I love being a mom. When I was younger I would hope and pray that God would give me a husband that could provide so that I could stay at home and raise my babies. I have years of memories of so many little people that I had to take care of. Sleepless nights. Nursing babies while dragging along a screaming toddlers. Cleaning up so much pee off of the floor that it was ridiculous. Vomiting from pregnancy and then having to nurse the little one. Teaching them to read. Pulling my hair out over years and years of homeschooling a stubborn one and feeling like i have gotten nowhere, only to see that in the last few months that chapter books are being read without my prompting quiet reading time. Playing war and defeating too many bad guys that I can count. Drying tears and fixing sibling rivalry. Buying stock in band aids.
The stories can go on and on since I have been a momma for 13 years. But since we have been in Kansas the role doesn't seem to fit as well anymore. Feeling like I missed what I should of done with my life. I know that it probably has to do with living in tight quarters and not being able to use the outdoors as extra space. When living in a rv fulltime the outside space is a must! It also has to do with only having one car for most of the time we have been here. We have had some very expensive car issues we have had to fix while being here so most of the 6 months we have only had one car running. This creates a problem when you live 40 minutes from town. In them middle of hunting grounds and not feeling safe from the gun shots, that are right on the other side of the fence. Not being able to walk anywhere. Or have the independence that adults like have. It has been so hard. And I have been so sick while we have been here. I am more than ready to move. Kansas is not a place that I will put down roots.
I know that I was meant to be a stay at home mom.
I know that traveling full time is giving them priceless life experience.
I know that I would go without so that they could have.
I know that they are a blessing.
I know that I love my kids.
I know that me being home is going to impact them as they become adults
I know that
I know that
I just have to keep reminding myself. Cause the shoes doesn't fit so comfortably right now.